We have all suffered. We may be suffering right now. We might suffer in time to come.
Suffering is but a part of life - an inevitable and unavoidable piece of the human experience.
But this is not a post that provokes gloom and despair.
This is a post that invites us to see, that the way out of suffering is in our very own hands.
I learned this from one of my teachers, SN Goenka, who spoke of what the Buddha taught about the four types of people in this world:
Type 1- People Running from Darkness to Darkness
These people find themselves in unfavourable and adverse circumstances in life, and may be struggling physically, mentally, or emotionally.
They are unable to see their life beyond the hardship they are going through and choose to wallow in misery or resentment, thus perpetuating their struggles with even more darkness.
Type 2- People Running from Brightness to Darkness
These people may be enjoying good health, a materially rich lifestyle, and distinguished stature in society, but they are neither happy nor contented.
They live in arrogance of their own prosperity, or develop animosity towards those whom they think will threaten their wealth. They might also worry about losing what they currently have.
Instead of feeling fulfilled and sharing their fortune, they are moving away from their own brightness by chasing after fear, egotism, and negativity.
Type 3- People Running from Darkness to Brightness
Like those of Type 1, Type 3 people may be faced with adverse conditions in their life; and even though they are struggling, they choose not to perpetuate their suffering.
They understand that the circumstances they are in could be due to choices or actions from the past, or simply conditions they have no control over.
They also see that resisting the darkness they are in generates even more darkness for themselves, so they choose to turn towards brightness instead.
Type 4- People Running from Brightness to Brightness
Type 4 people, like those of Type 2, are living a comfortable life, and they feel happy and contented. They are at ease with the idea that their prosperity and success may not stay the same forever, and so they don’t squander their time and luxuries away.
Not only are they grateful for their life, they understand that what they have is not solely because of their own efforts, but also of those who have directly or indirectly supported them.
Knowing this, they pay it forward by practicing kindness and generosity towards others, wishing that they too lead a happy and fulfilling life.
This is not meant to be some sort of personality test, but a framework for reflecting on our tendencies and how we have been navigating our life.
And guess what - we have all been one or more of these four types of people.
We must have fallen into some degree of darkness before, and in the pit of despair, we might have chosen to remain in the absence of light, or we might have decided that we can actually move out of darkness and shift into brighter territories.
I once engaged an assistant, Don, for some work, and within a week I got to know that he had experienced quite a painful past - on top of going through a difficult divorce, he spent close to 20 years single-handedly taking care of his son, who had suffered from a severe form of cerebral palsy causing him to be bedridden his whole life.
“Everyone was telling me this is too hard, and I should give up. But I don’t want to.” Don told me with conviction. “I took care of my child every day. I took him to the best doctors - it cost me a lot of money, but I didn’t care.”
I found out when he first shared his story with me, that it had only been six months since his child succumbed to the illness and died.
“I want to work, Erin,” he said, with his voice trembling and tears in his eyes. “I know that if I stay at home, it will be the end of my life, too.”
And so he worked every day, diligently and patiently welcoming each new morning that arrived.
Four weeks later, Don sent me a message, along with a screenshot of his nephew’s death certificate:
Sorry I can’t come to work this week, Erin. We have a three-day prayer for my sister’s son. He died in a car accident over the weekend.
My heart sank at the thought of him suffering yet another loss within such a short span of time.
But there was nothing much I could do for him, except to offer my condolences, give him the space he needed, and wish him well.
A week later, I wondered if Don might return to work. It turned out that he couldn’t, because another message came:
Sorry Erin. It’s been very hard for me to sleep, my body and mind feel very weak. I want to work but I cannot bring myself together… I’m so sorry.
I kept my faith in Don’s ability to turn towards brightness.
I waited another week before checking in again, and he replied:
Good morning Erin. I just got a haircut today. See you later! :)
My spirits lifted upon knowing that Don was better. At the same time, I greatly admired his resilience. I believe he took a wise approach in managing his grief.
For him, running towards brightness wasn’t about forgetting his sorrows or distracting himself from his troubles.
It was about acknowledging the conditions of life and honouring what he had to experience. With self-compassion, he tended to his own wounds and took the time he needed to heal.
And when he was ready to face life again, he did so knowing that it was up to him to choose the trajectory of his growth.
Was Don completely fine after getting the haircut and resuming work? I don’t think so. It had to be an ongoing struggle for him, and I was certain the grieving in him would continue for some time.
I observed that with every curve ball that life unrelentingly threw his way, Don intentionally chose not to dwell further in darkness, and to run towards brightness each time instead.
This was what made all the difference in how his life was lived.
I once shared this framework at a meditation retreat I attended, and it was well-received - everyone present resonated deeply with the teaching.
After the session, a fellow practitioner approached me and asked:
“Thanks for your sharing, it was very powerful. I am just a little puzzled - I can understand why a person in darkness might run further into darkness due to despair, but why would someone in brightness run towards darkness?”
It was a well-founded question, and she was right. Rationally speaking, it wouldn’t make sense for someone who was already living a happy, healthy life to regress to an unhappier, less healthy one.
But such is the human and our humanistic inclinations. The bias for negativity and tendency to focus on negative stimuli run deep in our veins and genes.
We often get so overtaken by pleasure and pride, that we easily develop contempt towards how different other people are from us; we readily fall into discontentment towards what we don’t have, and forget to appreciate what we do have; in trying to guard our happiness from fear of losing it, we ironically make ourselves unhappy.
The Buddha taught that we should always run towards brightness, like Type 3 and Type 4 people.
It helps to constantly employ mindful awareness and examine ourselves at each stage of our life - which type am I being right now?
Am I running towards darkness, or brightness?
When I get taken for granted by a loved one, am I running towards darkness by ruminating in anger and resentment?
When an unexpected change comes my way, am I running towards darkness by dwelling in fear of the worst possible conclusions to that change?
How might I turn myself around and run towards brightness instead?
Of course, we don’t have to literally “run”, per se.
I think running here suggests motivation - a sense of urgency and recognition that we have no time to lose in determining how we want to live.
Because every decision and action has a corresponding effect that determines how our future will unfold.
One more step in the direction of darkness would mean one step further away from brightness.
Conversely, one more step on the path of brightness would mean one step further away from darkness.
With this understanding, we can easily see where our life will be in 100 steps, and course correct along the way if or when necessary
So wherever you are right now, be sure to always, always run towards brightness.
Light dispel darkness.